Things I Never Said

I don’t know if you guys have noticed but over the last few weeks I have been slowly editing older posts to make them SEO friendly and just to kind of make them go with the whole vibe of my blog. As I mentioned in my first blogging journey post when I first started this blog I had a completely different idea for what it was going to be and over time it has evolved into something completely different. Of course, I am eternally grateful for what it has become now and I wanted to edit my older posts so that they go better with the new layout of my blog. As I mentioned in an earlier post my blog looked VERY different a few years and even just a few months back.

Anyway, before I digress too much, I was going through a lot of older posts and I realised I had a lot of drafts that I wrote but never published. I believe some were never published because they were quite personal and I wrote them just to write them not really with the intention of ever publishing them. Some I had written half way and then stopped for some reason. I probably just didn’t have time to finish them. And some I had written and kept ready to publish but I just forgot to publish them. 

This got me thinking about all the things that we mean to say but for some reason or the other we did not. Maybe it was a text that we had meant to send but then thought about it and decided not to send it or to send a very edited version of it. Maybe we were going to confront someone but decided to not to in the end and just ended up being the bigger person and letting it go. Maybe it was an email we were going to send for a job opportunity or something like that which we ended up not sending because we did not think we were good enough for it. Either way there is so much we don’t say. If you really think about it there is probably more that we don’t say than things we say. There are so many things we want to tell people. It could be someone in your family, a close friends, some you were friends with but have lost touch with, someone you were acquaintances with or merely even a stranger who stole your parking spot perhaps. 

I also started thinking about all the reasons we don’t say stuff and how that effects us. Yes, some of it is probably us being the bigger person and just knowing when something is worth speaking up about and when something is better off let unsaid. But some of it is also how we are conditioned by society to act in a certain way. In a lot of ways we cringe away from letting our true thoughts and feelings out because we’re taught that it’s not proper to be emotional or that emotions are a weakness. So many problems end up stemming from us being so repressed because even if you bottle up all your feelings at some point your bottle is going to overflow and those feelings are going to come pouring out. And when they do come out you won’t know how to deal with them because you never really dealt with them before- you just repressed them. 

All of this just makes me wonder how different my life and everyone’s life would have been had we said what we were thinking. What if we had confronted our childhood bullies? What if we had stood up to people in our lives? What if we had confronted the toxic people in our life and called them out for their behaviour? What if we had taken the chance and asked the person we liked out? What if we said something to the person who took your parking spot (I don’t know why that example is stuck in my head I don’t even drive…)? What if we had applied to our dream jobs even though we were under qualified for it?

Could you imagine how different your life would be right now if you had made different decisions and spoke up instead of staying silent during any event in your life where you chose not to say something? And it works both ways too. Like imagine how different your life would have been had you stayed silent instead of said something when you shouldn’t have? I know I have personally said a lot of stupid things I shouldn’t have and still occasionally (read frequently) tend to do so. 

I just keep thinking about all the things I never said to people. Some I wish I had said, some I still really want to say but I know I never will and some I am so thankful that for once I kept my giant mouth shut. There are so many messages I have written down and then deleted and there are so many things I have kept to myself when inside I wanted to yell it at someone while scratching them in the face (I have a bit of a temper…). I have always been a very passive person and I hate anything confrontation. It gives me anxiety and freaks me out. I’m also horrible at confronting people because I never find the right words to say and I always end up saying something stupid instead and then I regret it for the next decade or two. 

I want that to change though. I want to call people out more, be louder and just make my voice heard. I know that sometimes staying silent is the right thing to do and I will remain silent when it’s the best thing to do but I also don’t want to someday be like 40 and regret not saying something to someone that I really wanted to say. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I want to be more vocal about my thoughts and feelings. 

I know this was kind of a random and weird post but it’s just something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately especially over the last few days. I just wanted to share my thoughts with you guys because you guys always have something interesting to say about stuff like this and I always appreciate your input. If anyone knows any tips for how to be more vocal and assertive please let me know in the comments. I would really appreciate it. 


Thoughts

Have you ever thought about this or something similar? Is there anything you wish you had said? Is there anything you wish you hadn’t said? Are you more of an aggressive or passive person?


Side Note

Talking about being vocal reminded me that one of my favourite bloggers, Tiani, recently made a post and a YouTube video about her experiences with racism and microagressions and I think she did such a great job sharing her experiences. I just had to share it with you guys. As I said I want to use my voice more and I was really inspired seeing her use her voice. I’m sure this was difficult for her to share because it is not an easy topic to talk about especially as a WOC but like I said she expressed her self so well. You can check out her blog by clicking here. You can check out her video by clicking here. I would highly recommend checking out both. She shared these links on her post and I thought I would share them on mine too:

8 Petitions to Help the BLM Movement
30 BLM Petitions You Should Sign
Where to Donate


For similar posts click here.

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155 thoughts on “Things I Never Said

  1. A wonderful post, pooja!
    I’m more of a passive person.
    And with concern to me being vocal, that varies from person to person . But 8 out of 10 things are those I’ve never said even if I wanted to. Because ,
    1. I’m an ambivert (60% introvert)
    2. I have been afraid of judgementality
    3. I sometimes I would feel I shouldn’t hurt people, lest I’d lose them too.

    I don’t easily share things, so I’m used to bottling up my feelings. And I’m a teenager, so you can imagine how it’d be☺.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Toxic people are what I call energy vampires. It took time for me to learn how to deal with toxic people even to the point that there are some I have cut out of my life because they show no desire to change. But is has been freeing for me to do so.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I agree completely- they definitely suck out all your good energy. I had a hard time because for some reason I attract toxic people but yeah if they aren’t going to change cutting them out is the best thing to do. I’m glad you were able to cut them out of your life.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I think most folk won’t usually say what they really want to for many reasons including an insult, being rude or it’s not PC which is sad. Say what you mean, mean what you say. 😊

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Authenticity stands out and gets noticed but by being authentic we risk being vulnerable. Looking back, I have 34 unedited drafts (mostly blank) that I never got around to writing. Part of this was laziness but another part was being afraid of what others would think or how they would judge me.

    Although I stress authenticity, I myself am a hypocrite. I seldom talk about my personal life, besides mental health and university-related things. I rarely talk about what’s really going on in my life which I seldom share online. This is around the same time I left social media. I don’t want ppl knowing about my daughter’s medical condition because they won’t understand. It’s a very rare, genetic medical condition. I know I shouldn’t care what they think but to an extent I do care. I’ve gotten hurtful comments by ignorant people in the past – both online and offline. The last thing I need is more hurtful comments online. Either that or I get sympathy comments which I don’t need or want.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah I think a lot of people feel that way because let’s be honest the internet is not known to be a really great troll free environment. When you put your stuff out there people can and almost always will judge you no matter what and that’s something a lot of people can not handle. I’m like you and prefer to not put everything out there because I just don’t want peoples opinions on certain things. That’s kind of why I would never do YouTube- it’s just such a negative environment.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I have a YouTube account only because I used to make Nightcore songs. I was 21 and bored at the time, and my alter ego always wanted to try being a DJ haha. This is the closest thing to that. I haven’t used that account in years but it’s still there. I feel like with social media such as FB, it exposes too much of my personal life and gives people I don’t actually like permission to look at my photos etc. Another reason I left… it felt weird giving people those privileges, especially to people I barely knew. I also felt like I had a lack of free speech, and to an extent I still feel that way on WP.

        YouTube is an extremely negative environment when it comes to trolls. So is Instagram, sadly.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Yeah social media and YouTube suck when it comes to trolls.

          I understand that- you really put yourself out there when it comes to social media and sometimes it’s just not worth it.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Especially allowing people access to your photo albums on FB who really don’t deserve that much access into your private life. It made me question, why am I allowing these people access to my life?

            We all know these people who enjoy snooping, yet they have nothing to do with us IRL. I haven’t uploaded anything to FB since early 2017. When I told someone (who I had a falling out with) that she wouldn’t know what I’m doing or what I’m up to anymore, I truly meant that. This was around the same time I realized that social media doesn’t really matter to me and that I wasn’t finding deep fulfillment anymore. The only reason why I might return would be to connect with some ppl who only live on social media. It’s impossible to find their contact information otherwise.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Yeah I personally find Facebook to be one of the most toxic places- probably because I use it more often and have a private account. I have people on there that I do not care about at all and I don’t post on FB anymore either- haven’t posted in about two years. I only use it because a lot of my friends are in different countries and this helps keep me connected with them.

              Liked by 2 people

              1. That was the problem when I left. I lost contact with past friends. I want to reach out to a few of them but don’t have their numbers. They basically live on FB and I really don’t want to get FB messenger. I might have to though, and I’m seriously considering it.

                Liked by 1 person

                  1. I’ve decided to get messenger in fall semester or after I’m done school….once my life is more in order. It’s still a dumpster fire.

                    I opened Twitter today (surprised I remembered by login info) since Twitter is not that triggering. I’m not active on Twitter but I’ve seen other bloggers use it… honestly, I don’t really see the point of Twitter but some ppl swear by it for getting more blog traffic.

                    Liked by 1 person

                    1. Pinterest eh? I would have never thought Pinterest generates traffic. That is interesting. I have a Pinterest account but hardly use it. I’m honestly not sure if I want to commit to Twitter… still feeling pretty indecisive.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    2. Yeah it’s so weird but apparently Pinterest is pretty good for traffic. I still don’t understand how Pinterest works and I don’t even know how to use but I still somehow get traffic from it. It’s kind of weird but also awesome…

                      Liked by 1 person

                    3. Is Pinterest easier to use than Twitter? I cannot for the life of me figure out how to use Twitter. I just figured out how to get to the comments…. they completely changed it. Twitter is so different now compared to what it used to be.

                      My Pinterest account is dead idk how well it would fare for traffic. I’m starting to get the hang of editing images so I might try Pinterest too. I’m surprised Pinterest generates so much traffic… who would have guessed!

                      Liked by 1 person

                    4. I don’t find Twitter so difficult compared to Pinterest. I genuinely have no idea how Pinterest works all I know is you add images and make like albums and then people view the image and click on it which takes them to your blog. Apparently there’s a lot more to it but I genuinely just don’t have the energy to figure it out right now.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    5. I made a few pins in the past and got bored pretty quickly. Then again, I don’t have many followers on Pinterest so it was as if I was pinning them for myself. You must be doing something right though, since you’re getting traffic on Pinterest! Keep doing what works for you.

                      Twitter has completely changed, plus I’m trying to figure out those blogging RT things. It’s confusing. I’ll figure it out eventually but I’m starting to question how much time I’m willing to spend trying to navigate this platform. What’s absolutely baffling to me is how some bloggers have virtually no WP followers but they have full time businesses blogging and leverage social media. I’m guessing their streams of income are affiliate sales and personal sales. It’s still mind-blowing how they don’t have engagement on here and yet, they seemed to cracked the code… or something. Blogging has so many avenues and possible directions – it’s crazy! For now, I think I will stick to what I know best. Hopefully I can figure out the Twitter thing. If not, at least I tried….

                      Liked by 1 person

                    6. Personally, I use the Twitter App so I find it pretty easy to navigate. I have no idea how people make money off affiliate links just because they usually offer something ridiculous like you can get 10 dollars for every 100 products you sell. Realistically I don’t think you can make much money off that because you would need thousands of followers to make a decent amount of money. It kind of feels like the only person making money would be the company because they are paying you less than minimum wage to push their products. I have no idea how people make that much money without followers/engagement but I don’t know maybe I need to join some secret club or something.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    7. I heard that there are secret clubs on IG but I’m not sure how they work either. Tbh I’m just planning to focus on engagement for now, which I’ve noticed is kinda a big deal with blogging. 😂 Eventually I would like to branch out and buy a domain name. My husband thinks I’m not gonna stick with blogging since I’m knowing to quit lots of projects. Blogging is really the only thing that I actually get excited about every day! It would be amazing If this hobby could turn into something more down the road. Far, far down the road lol

                      Liked by 1 person

                    8. I would not want to be in those clubs because I’m sure people would just try to sell you stuff the whole time lol!
                      Yes engagement is really important for sure- it’s time consuming but also worth it. I literally quit on so much stuff my friends and family kept asking me for the first year of blogging if I’m still doing that blogging thing… But yeah blogging is such a fun hobby and it’s not that difficult to earn money off it once you have like over a thousand followers.

                      Liked by 1 person

  5. I’ve learned over a lifetime that the person who is stronger is not the bully but the one whose strength is in their silence. Words expressed can never be taken back. Of course there is a time to speak out when we see injustice done to others but we lose strength if our whole life consists of outbursts whenever someone upsets us. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I agree completely- once something is out there you can not take it back. That’s why I tend to hold my tongue a lot because I know I’ll regret it later. You just have to pick your battles wisely I guess.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I have deleted over 50 posts that I posted last year because I deemed them as “too personal”. It caused tons of errors and missing links on my website. I think, the problem for me is that I tend to be confident at first, only to feel later on that I’ve shared too much, said too much, bared too much. The urge to take everything back is so great that it doesn’t even matter if my actions are hurting my website. I have created more than 5 Instagram accounts, sharing and deleting, the process cycles on. I just don’t know how to handle this. My confidence is anything but stable. I just want you to know that I relate with this post sooo much that it pulled some heartstrings.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I am the same way- I get confident and say something but then I think about it and keep thinking about it and I end up regretting it. I think that’s why I’m very cautious now about what I share because I don’t want to end up regretting it. I’m glad you can relate and it’s always nice to know you are not alone. Thank you so much for the comment!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Yes, one day, you realise that life’s extremely short and that it’s better to tell people without holding it up inside us. Unless it’s something hurtful caused by a spur of the moment thing. Bottling up stuff can’t be good.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah I feel like the older I get the more I speak up and the less I care about other peoples opinion. Of course I don’t want to hurt anyone I just want to express myself in the healthiest way possible.

      Like

  8. I’ve thought about this over the years, and think I probably would be a lot further in attaining my goals or at the very least, started pursuing them much sooner. Criticism and oppression were rampant in my family, saddling myself and my sister with much doubt within ourselves. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Pooja. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Well, with time, I’ve grown to saying things that I know I might regret not saying in the future. In a subtle way. Like, I can tell someone I had a good time with them or tell a friend I won’t meet them because they’ll be around people who smoke too much. I think it’s more of letting people know what you like and don’t like from your personal view and not from the point of condemning or berating. People most usually respect that.
    About the parking slot, maybe that’s a special case of spray it don’t say it, lol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah I think saying things in a subtle way is a good way to get your thoughts out there without hurting someones feelings/causing some kind of emotion. And I definitely agree with not making other people feel attacked but just that it’s your own personal view. Lol!!

      Like

  10. It’s often a question of judgement and picking the right time to say something. I appreciate it’s often easier to let things slide rather than speak out, be the good guy never the bad one but your not doing yourself or the other person any favours. Great post by the way which I’m sure will provoke plenty of discussion.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Often I just say what I am thinking as it flows in my mind but I also do have conversations that I think I should have with certain people but I don;t know how to start them.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. This is incredibly complex Pooj. Firstly, you can’t alter the past but you can the future.
    Secondly, being assertive and speaking up does not mean one has to be rude. Sometimes it is not a good idea to speak your mind. Thirdly, being PC is about being considerate of other peoples’ feelings. PC is good. It is only when PC becomes OTT that it is wrong.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah it is definitely complicated. I agree being PC helps you express yourself without hurting or attacking anyone. But speaking is important- just do it in a positive way.

      Like

  13. It is very natural that people sometimes feel regret. Of their actions, their words, and we often feel this way because we don’t think of what is and what’s not to come when we execute that action. But the good thing is people are ALWAYS changing. We can always improve ourselves and every day that we’re alive makes that possible. It’s okay if you have felt that way, it’s all in the past, as long as know now what you want to do. We’re here to support, Pooja!

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Hi Pooja. This is an engaging post. Many times in our lives, we have all faced a situation where we hold ourselves back before speaking our heart or not speaking it at all. You portrayed that feeling beautifully.
    Also thank you very much for following my blog. I recently started blogging and I’m glad you liked it. If you like, see and share my post. Have a good day! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Great post. There are many times I haven’t said what I wanted to in response to someone else, but usually because the perfect response comes moments later than the opportune time to have said it and so the moment passes. I wish my brain would work faster!

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Pooja, thank you for sharing these personal reflections. I believe regret is a very natural emotion that is, to a certain extent, unavoidable. I know I have felt regret before over things I said, things I did not say, things I did, or things I did not do. But the more time passes, the more I learn to trust the natural unfolding of life. You hear people say that they wish they had known then what they know now, but the truth is you really cannot have known it. That knowledge is something you had to grow into. And, if we are lucky, the growing never stops.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Great thought Pooja, something that every human on this earth ponder about!
    Being an introvert, i would say myself as not being able to talk instead of ‘more talking person’. One of the two attribute is common in every person, but i think the second group of people are more at relief (having said what they wish to and thus gain more clarity of mind). The first category of people still suffer or learn the hard way and it is a life struggle for them.
    Yes anyhow, all of us are growing and learning in life

    Liked by 1 person

  18. It’s sometimes quite hard for me to look back and think what could’ve happened if I said something different as I try to look for the future. But this post makes me reflect that I’ll use my voice more as I’m getting older! Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. My entire life has been those long car rides to work with little sleep talking to myself like someone else is there with me. I mean heated arguments that made me red in the face. LOL Oh how that must have looked to other drivers! Only to get to work and smile at the very people who I was just cussing out in the car. Yes I definitely get where your coming from. I am that one who will go off if they spark me while in a mood also tho. I can’t keep it to myself if I’m right. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Yes, at times I am reluctant to call people out or tell them how I feel too. Sometimes though it just doesn’t feel as though it makes a difference. Moving along is often worth it too but, it depends on the circumstances and how well you know the person.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. You’ve made some very insightful points here Pooja. I think most of us go through life not saying many things we should. Often we don’t want to because it means hurting the people we love. If there’s a conversation I feel I must have with someone however hard it is I remind myself of what Buddhists call wise compassion. The understanding that although the conversation might be difficult for you or that person you’re confronting it’s ultimately the kinder thing to do for all concerned. It’s these kinds of difficult conversations we all need to be having a lot more of. The more comfortable we can get with having awkward conversations the better it is for everybody’s wellbeing. Thanks for sharing this Pooja. I really enjoy reading your words! 🙏

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Good thoughts. I had a falling out with a close, long term friend a few years back, and while I feel completely in the right in my opinion at the time (though admit I maybe shouldn’t have said what I said, even though I was right!), I have a nagging need to write her a letter explaining why I said what I said, why I felt what I felt, etc. I don’t want to rekindle the friendship – I’ve moved on from that and am glad to not have that drama in my life anymore – but I don’t want one of us to die without her knowing my real feelings. What holds me back is not knowing what her reaction will be. When we had the falling out she texted to me “you better hope I don’t run into you” or something to that effect, like she would attack me or something. It was a very low class response to an argument with a friend of 25 years… but, she is low class, lol. Hence my hesitation to write.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can understand why you might be scared or concerned about contacting her again. That’s a pretty harsh reaction to have to a disagreement. But sometimes you also want some kind of closure.

      Liked by 1 person

  23. Amazing post, Pooja! This was such a relatable post for me. It so important to know when to say something or left it unsaid which wasn’t always easy for me. I usually end up thinking about what I said for the next decade also!! I hate it! Why do we do that to ourselves?

    Thank you so so much for sharing my story and video! I truly appreciate your support ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol I don’t know why our brain likes torturing us like that! That’s why I don’t like saying stuff cos I feel like I’ll regret it forever if I say the wrong thing. You’re totally welcome! I loved that post and video and I really wanted to share it. Also I left a comment on it that may be stuck in your spam 🤦🏽‍♀️

      Liked by 1 person

        1. A lot of my comments that I get are going to spam too and some of my spam is getting through. I’m not sure what’s going on with WP but they seriously need to fix the whole spam thing lol!

          Liked by 1 person

  24. Amazing post, Pooja! This was such a relatable post for me. It so important to know when to say something or left it unsaid which wasn’t always easy for me. I usually end up thinking about what I said for the next decade also!! I hate it! Why do we do that to ourselves?

    Thank you so so much for sharing my story and video! I truly appreciate your support ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Personally I’m known for not holding back. I try to be careful about my words, but if it has to be said, it’s said. I do have a lot of drafts, but they are mostly where I merged my blogs or where I’ve started something and not been in the mood to finish it for whatever reason. When I was young I was definitely reserved but once I’d had enough of my childhood bully, I slapped her across the face with a filled faux leather handbag (lucky I got her with the back, not the buckle)! Of course I don’t remember that, but I do know that I’ve always been someone who doesn’t let it wash if I’m seriously aggrieved. It’s definitely about picking your battles but I think sometimes it’s also about how much we care about the other person. If we care, usually we want to correct them so that they know what to avoid so that we can go forward with a relationship. If we’ve stopped caring, we just walk away and let the friendship die. I’ve definitely given up on plenty of toxic friendships in my time.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you don’t hold back- I think we should express ourselves when we need to. Yeah toxic friends are unfortunately common and all you can really do is cut them out. Thanks for commenting!

      Like

  26. I used to be a very passive person but have thankfully worked to encourage myself to be more assertive. Playing ultimate frisbee for over a decade has helped me with this because the game is self refereed, meaning communication is required between players to sort any potential rule infractions.

    There are definitely times in my life when I wish I had drummed up the courage to ask out the girl I really liked. There’s still time in the future when I meet the next speedy lovely girl.

    Go well into your weekend!

    Liked by 1 person

  27. I actually had thoughts similar to this right before reading this post. I have a friend I want to address but keep stopping myself because I question if it’s worth it. I keep wondering the benefits of staying quiet versus being vocal. Whew!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you could relate and sorry to hear that you’re going that situation with your friend. It’s definitely a difficult decision and I’m still thinking about it as well. Hopefully we’ll both find an answer!

      Like

  28. “But some of it is also how we are conditioned by society to act in a certain way.”

    Forget all that shit and you’re free. You can do and say whatever you want! XD

    Liked by 1 person

  29. I really enjoyed this post. I’m just like you, I don’t like confrontation and can never find the right words anyway. It’s almost a relief to read a post where someone puts into words how it feels to not speak up, or why we might not have spoken up. Very insightful.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Being silent works for me most of the time, mostly when am angry😃. But yes even I have felt the need to be vocal in some situations wherein I regret having been silent. Learning life lessons. Nice post Pooja. Hope you are fine. Stay safe! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Life would be different. Speaking up may soften the Bully’s heart or reduce the amount of heartache or tears shed. Often times we haven’t found our voice in those moments when we were younger or immature so we aren’t equipped to handle those situations. I wonder how the world or myself would be different if others stood up… Great read!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! I feel the same way- as I get older I feel more comfortable about being more vocal and speaking up more. I wish I was more vocal but I’m still more vocal than I was a few years ago which is great.

      Liked by 1 person

  32. I also freak out when I’m confronted or think about confronting someone. I used to think that being silent is better than bringing problems but I realized that more problems arise when you’re silent and I really don’t want that. This year, I planned to be more vocal about my thoughts and feelings, so far, it’s been a struggle but I’d get there eventually. I also say stupid things sometimes but hopefully, I hope I get to know when to shut my mouth and when not to.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree- speaking up may be more difficult but at the end of the day you need to be vocal about certain things. I’m glad you decided to be more vocal and hope you can find that balance soon!

      Like

  33. It’s amazing, at times we tend to keep mute about things rather than talk to someone about it. It’s based on how we feel, fear and other causes can withdraw us from speaking and keeping things to ourselves

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Sometimes it’s best not to say anything to toxic people,I know when I’m angry I will be honest but very blunt and nobody wants to hear truth because it’s does hurt but it’s way it’s said in a harsh manner! So I just don’t say anything.

    Liked by 1 person

  35. Funnily enough some of what you wrote was stuff I thought about not long ago!! I could particularly relate to when you said “In a lot of ways we cringe away from letting our true thoughts and feelings out because we’re taught that it’s not proper to be emotional or that emotions are a weakness.”. This is partly why I kept a lot of my feelings to myself when I was struggling with anxiety, and I did bottle things up as a result.

    I also think about friendships that I have lost because of stupid things I have done/said, which does hurt, especially as they could have been my closest friends now .

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you could relate and I am not alone in feeling this way. I feel like I kept a lot to myself too because of that and I’ve always had a hard time expressing my feelings.

      Like

  36. I believe I have the opposite issue. I’m quick to speak my mind only to sometimes regret it. A good 24 hours of pondering before responding is my strategy when strong emotion is involved…at least…I’m going to try for such!!! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah I used to be like that way back in the day but I kept regretting it and started keeping everything to myself which was not a good strategy either. I think a middle ground is good like your idea of waiting 24 hours.

      Liked by 1 person

  37. I guess if we really think about it, we never say what we really intend to say more than half of the time. In my opinion, like if it’s something that may stir enmity, we may choose to mellow in order to avoid any form of confrontation. Again, growth happens. The way you could react to something today is way different than you would have years ago.

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  38. Hi Pooja, interesting post and obviously there’s nothing we can do about past things we should/could have said but didn’t. But going forward, I think more people are open about how they feel and some tell it like it is 🙂

    Me, I always have to say what’s on my mind, particularly if I think someone’s made me angry or if I think I’ve upset someone. I’ll always be the first to say “I felt really angry/upset/sad when you said/did that the other day.” Sometimes people don’t even realise they’ve offended us, so opening up like this gives them a way to either apologise or perhaps say “I didn’t intend to upset you.” When you say something like “I felt……” it’s difficult for people to argue with your feelings. It’s better than saying “you really p’d me off” or “You made me….” Cos they’ll only go on the defensive.

    And I’m the first to ask someone if I’ve upset or offended them.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! You’re right some people don’t even know what they said/did hurt your feelings so pointing it out is a good idea as they can better understand how you feel. I also agree about not coming off as aggressive but saying I felt so people can’t really argue about it too much or get defensive.

      Liked by 1 person

  39. This an amazing piece of writing ..totally relatable..like you said..even now..I still have words I wished to have said..some I wished I never said ..and some I acted like I bigger person and just let them go..this is great PoojaG
    I’m glad I was able to read it ..lemme share it its awesome😇😇👏🏼👏🏼

    Liked by 2 people

  40. I really liked this post. I’ve been struggling a lot lately with how to speak up and be authentic without being aggressive or disrespectful, and without damaging relationships. Good to know someone else is thinking abou it, too! During the pandemic I’ve found that I have to be more honest just because I can’t carry the weight of concealment.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I am also happy to see that a lot of people could relate to this post and I am not alone in feeling this way. I have had to be a bit more blunt due to the pandemic too.

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